Consistency isn't willpower - It's Emotional Safety

I was listening to an Entrepreneur friend of mine this last week tell me how she struggles to be consistent.

She makes plans...

starts to execute them...

then starts to forget what it is that she is supposed to do.

Even after writing things down and knowing that she has something to do...

she still struggles with being consistent because her brain seems to shut down.

We dove into how she was feeling emotionally, and found out how her nervous system was storing childhood trauma that was keeping her stuck.

Today's episode is about giving yourself emotional safety so consistency can be key in your life and business. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Hey my loves, welcome back to another episode of Bold Hearts Big Moves. Okay, this episode is for you today. If you are someone who has these goals, has these visions, you set them to paper, you start them, but you just can't seem to follow through. If that's you, this episode is for you today, and probably even a little bit for me. How long have I been saying I'm gonna get a book out now? So just saying, no judgment. Okay, this is something too that I am going to own with you in this episode today. But before we do, if you would like help healing trauma, stuck trauma that's causing you to not be able to follow through with your plans, your results, to be able to get the things that you say you want in life. If you would like help creating unbreakable boundaries, so that way you have a guideline, a structure that is always working for you again, so that way you can create your the life and living that you love. If you want help with that, get on a call with me, Callanley.com forward slash Aaron Dash Anderson dash coaching forward slash creating dash the or your dash unbreakable dash boundaries. I think it's your the link is actually in the description below. Go get a call, go get some time with me. It is very crucial. If you guys are wanting this, these calls are free. They are no commitment whatsoever except for just show up. I am not going to sell to you on this call. If you want to learn what it looks like to work with me, we will schedule another call for that. These calls are specifically 100% for you, so that way you can actually hit the goals that you say you want. Okay. So if you want that, go click on that link right now. Get yourself some time. And until then, until you and I chat face to face, let's talk about this problem where consistency is just not happening. Okay. And let me say again, I totally understand and do not judge you if this is something that you are dealing with. And the reason why, I'm not gonna judge you. Okay. Hey, number one, I've got my own things that I've got to work on. But two, I've been in your shoes and in some ways still am sometimes. Okay. Um, you know, wondering why I can put together this amazing idea, but just the follow-through isn't happening. And I can tell you in just a few minutes as we get into this, like what was really going through my mind and what boundary I set to stop it. Okay, but consistency isn't something that you force, it's something that emerges when you feel safe enough to follow through, and there's your key right there. When we're not consistent, it's because we don't feel safe in some way. See, the thing is, is you might be able to stay strong, but feels like consistency is something that's really hard. Being able to do what you say you're going to do when you say you're going to do it. See, we get motivated, we get productive, then we get overwhelmed with something. That's usually the trauma cycle right there. Our blocks. And then we stop and we feel guilty. And then we try again. We get motivated, we get productive, we get overwhelmed, and we stop, and then we feel guilty, and it becomes a very, very vicious cycle. And eventually it teaches you that you can't trust yourself and that you're not meant for business, you're not meant to be an entrepreneur, right? That must be true because we can't stay motivated, we can't stay productive. But here's the thing, my loves, this is not a discipline problem. This is a trauma problem. This is a nervous system problem. This is something that's stuck in your nervous system that needs to be dragged out. Because the thing is, is willpower is temporary, it doesn't work long term, it's meant to burn out, it's meant to be a short-term fix. But if you have something stuck in your nervous system that's been there a long time, willpower does not have the leg length to outrun it, it just doesn't. Because your nervous system will prioritize your safety over your goals. Now you might say to yourself, but my goals don't make me feel safe. If I had this, I would feel a lot safer. I get that. But your nervous system won't put you in harm's way, and if it sees the overwhelm and the stress, it's it's going off and saying, Hey, we're not safe, we're not safe, we're not safe. Shut down. And this is why pushing harder creates burnout cycles. And my loves, I don't know if you noticed, and maybe you still notice, I crashed probably about three months ago. Actually, no, it was more than three months ago. I probably crashed about six months ago from burnout because I wasn't listening to what my nervous system was telling me. I was not listening to what my nervous system was telling me. And I did, I burnt out because I was in a scarcity slash scared mindset. But I wasn't going to actually acknowledge that because I had to be strong, I had to be this, and I had to I had to hold the weight of the world on my shoulders, right? I had to do it all. But eventually I couldn't do anything. I literally became incapable and incapacitated, and all I could do was absolutely nothing because I wasn't taking time for rest because I was telling myself that if I did, I wouldn't be able to take care of the things that I needed to take care of. And guys, I hear that narrative so much in the entrepreneur circles. That if we take rest, then our whole world is going to fall apart. But you can't build consistency on a nervous system that doesn't feel safe. It doesn't work. See, consistency breaks on the fear of failure. It's on the fear of success, even like sometimes success is scary because it requires more visibility, more responsibility, and you wonder if you've got the capacity to actually hold success. I get that one. Been there. And to be quite frank with you, I would honestly say that my fear of success was exactly what caused my overs my nervous system overload. And then so I self-sabotaged and made myself think I was scared and in scarcity because we all know that scared and scarcity creates stop. See, when we get into emotional overwhelm or a lack of internal safety, because we're trying to sustain it with our efforts, our nervous systems really honestly have no other option but to shut off. They're being overstimulated and they have to bring down the stimulation somehow, some way. So stopping isn't s laziness, it's actually or or giving ourselves time, I should say. Like giving ourselves the ability to rest is actually production. And I don't need to say as long as you don't have too much rest, because here's the thing you're not that person. You're not lazy. If you're listening to this podcast, you're not somebody excuse me, you're not somebody who is lazy.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

You're not somebody who's lazy. You're somebody who's got things together.

SPEAKER_00 11:04

Your job is to take care of the golden goose, the one that is actually producing the eggs. That would be you. That's important. And without rest, we cannot produce. See, we rebuild self-trust through making small agreements with ourselves. And this is where the boundary actually started coming in for me. Of a number one, I'm gonna honor my time, and I'm gonna honor my time boundary by saying, I'm gonna do what I say I'm gonna do when I say I'm gonna do it. Now, I'm gonna be honest, I'm still not perfect at this boundary, and it's also helped me understand that I need to set some physical boundaries with myself in like nutrition and rest again. Like I need a lot more rest because my body physically has kind of been struggling the last little bit, and it's made it really hard for me to be consistent with what I say I'm going to do. Same thing with my kids. My kids have all been sick this week, and here I am finally being able to record the podcast that I said I was gonna record like six days ago. Okay, just because life is lifing us doesn't mean that we don't have to keep practicing the boundaries that we put in place. If I'm gonna be somebody who does what she says she's gonna do when she says she's gonna do it, then that also means I have to be really, really intentional with my time and very intentional with the promises I make so that way I can actually keep them. I'm gonna be very quick to forgive myself, but I'm gonna start smaller than I think I should. I'm gonna prioritize completion over intensity, and I'm gonna build rhythm, not pressure. See, consistency of self-trust is practiced in small, safe, daily ways. That's what consistency is. Because when you can actually trust yourself, you can actually do a lot more. And so maybe I might put on like a timer, or I might you know ask for some support. Uh just a minute ago, my husband he's home today and he took the kids outside uh down to the park to go play so that way I could have a bit more of a quiet space to record my podcasts with you. So another way that we also create safety is by showing up, meaning that sometimes that is going to require us to reduce the pressure around our results, and sometimes that's hard when it's financial pressure and you've got pressure coming from the outside of you. Okay, but if that's the case, one of the boundaries I would really love to see you adopt is I'm good at making money. I'm good at creating money, I'm good at managing the money that I have. Money does come and money does go. Clients come, clients go. But if we believe that we're always good at making money, then this one is going to feel a lot less pressure. If we know how we're good at creating money, how we're good at yeah, just basically creating money, whether it be through cells, whether it be through our internal uh our our intellectual property, like this is like there's lots of different ways for us to create cash. But it really honestly is going to take us understanding and knowing our aptitudes in order for us to do it. But we do still have to reduce the pressure around our results, and sometimes that looks like saying, Okay, well, if this is the result I get, that seems really scary. So, what would I do if I got into that situation? It takes thinking a few steps ahead of what might be coming down the pipeline. Detach identity from performance, meaning that if you make a mistake, you are not a mistake. It just simply means that you made a mistake, but you're still amazing. We don't want to identify with our results and our performance. We want to identify with who we really are, with what God created us to be. We want to create predictable work patterns and celebrate follow-through, not outcomes. Okay, safety creates sustainability, and the more safe we feel, the more sustainable we can be. So the thing is, is you don't need to try harder, you really honestly need to feel safer, and you need to ask yourself like what is it that's going to help me feel more safe today? Because consistency becomes something natural when your system trusts you. When you have self-trust, your actions align with that self-trust, and they become a lot more consistent, and you become someone who then follows through because it feels safe to do so. So let me tell you, my loves, that safety really is key in whatever it is that we want to create. If we don't feel safe, if we don't feel contained, especially as women, we will not create what it set what we say we're going to create, what we set out to actually do. Because especially for women, our priority will always be safety, and if it's not there, we cannot go against it. So ask yourself what is it that doesn't feel safe, and how can we bring safety to that area? And again, if you want help with this, feel free to reach out, schedule that call with me. The link is in the description below, guys. Get on a call with me so that way we can help you feel a lot more safe and consistent in your results because it's not fun, it's really frustrating actually to take a look at at what it is you say you want and feel like your body, your mind, your spirit, and your energy are fighting against it. A lot of the times it's simply just clarity that you need in order to create the safety that you also need to create what it is you say you want to create. But clarity will not come again if safety is not there first and foremost. Our bodies will prioritize safety every single time over the result. Okay, my loves, today's episode is a little bit shorter than usual. Um, but I hope it's just it's it's still as impactful for you. Um, and again, like I said, if you want safety so that way you can create the things that you want in your life and in your business, give me that call, schedule it, let's go forward, and let's get you the things that you say you want in life. And until next time, my loves, I'll see you soon. Bye.